When you drop your child off to a daycare facility or to school, it's completely normal for them to feel a little anxious when the time comes to part and say goodbye. Though it can sometimes be stressful for both parent and child, separation anxiety is a very normal part of a child's development. With some basic patience, understanding and ways to deal with separations, it will usually be relieved and will generally decrease as your child grows older.
With some children, though, anxiety and fear about separation will only become more intense in time, or will go away for awhile only to re-emerge at a later time. If these fears persist and are intense enough, they can then interfere with the child's school work or social interactions. This is when you may be dealing with a child who is experiencing a separation anxiety disorder, and you may need to look to the support and guidance of a professional. The good news is there are many ways that you as a parent can help your child cope with separation anxiety children.
What's Normal Separation Anxiety Children and What's Not
When children are very young, it is not uncommon for a parent to experience tantrums, clinginess, and crying from their child upon separation. Separation anxiety children most commonly begins even prior to a child's first birthday, and may re-emerge now and again until the child is four years old or so, though the level of intensity of the separation anxiety can be very different from child to child. A child worrying a bit about mom or dad leaving them is very normal, even when the child is older. Parents can help ease their child's feelings about separation by remaining consistent and patient, and by firmly and gently setting limits.
There are some children, though, that experience a separation anxiety children that does not fade away, even when a parent is being very patient and consistent. Such children as these will go through a re-occurrence of intense separation anxiety well through their elementary years and even beyond. If this anxiety at separation is intense enough, it can interfere with the child's daily activities such as school, and basic social interactions. If the anxiety also lasts for months rather than a matter of a few days, it may signal a bigger problem: Separation anxiety disorder.
Helping to Alleviate Normal Separation Anxiety Children
If your child basically has a normal level of separation anxiety, there are some basic steps you can take to help their separation anxiety go smoother:
Do a few practice separation runs first. Leave you child with a caregiver for short periods of time at first.
Keep familiar surroundings when you are able or try to make new surroundings more familiar. You can do this by having your babysitter come to your house rather than taking your child to an unfamiliar home. When your child has to go somewhere unfamiliar, have them take along a familiar object, such as a favorite stuffed toy.
Schedule separations after nap times or feedings. Babies are more vulnerable to separation anxiety when tired or hungry.
Leave without any drama. Simply explain to your child when your are leaving and when you will be coming back and then go – don't stall and try to comfort your child.
Provide a consistent babysitter or caregiver. When you begin using a particular babysitter, try to keep them and use them over and over to foster a sense of security.
Try not to give in. Provide reassurance to your child that they will be OK – setting limits and establishing clear and firm boundaries will help with the adjustment process.
Symptoms of Separation anxiety Children
Keep in mind that separation anxiety children is a serious emotional difficulty and not a normal stage of development. The difference between a separation disorder and normal separation anxiety is that separation disorder is characterized by extreme distress within a child when away from the primary caregiver or parent.The main difference between a “normal” separation experience and separation anxiety disorder is the severity of your child's fears, and whether this fear keeping them from participating in their normal activities that they enjoy. Children suffering from separation anxiety disorder may become agitated with the simple thought of being separated from their mother or father or caregiver, or may complain of feeling sick to avoid socializing with friends or going to school. When these social problems and school avoidance problems are severe enough, they add up to a separation anxiety disorder. Common Symptoms of Separation anxiety disorder
Children with Separation Anxiety disorder can experience constant feelings of worry and fear about being separation from loved ones. The following are common symptoms of separation anxiety:
Worry that some unforeseen event will lead to a permanent separation. Children with separation anxiety disorder fear something will happen to their parent or caregiver upon being separated, such as them being kidnapped or becoming lost.
Fear that their loved one will be involved in an accident or some other unforeseen tragedy. Children dealing with separation anxiety disorder worry that harm will befall a loved one when the child is away, such as worrying about a parent becoming sick or getting hurt.
Having nightmares about being separated. Children with separation anxiety disorder will tend to have scary dreams about such fears.
School refusal. Children with a true separation anxiety disorder often have a irrational fear of going to school, and will go to great lengths to remain at home.
Avoid going to sleep. Separation anxiety disorder may cause these children to have sleep problems, due to a fear of being along or due to having nightmares about separation.
Often have pyschosomatic complaints, such as having a stomachache or headache. This occurs around the time of separation or before, the child may complain of feeling ill in one way or another.
Excessive clinginess to the parent or caregiver. Children with separation anxiety disorder will tend to “shadow” the parent or carer around the house or cling to the parent's legs or arm if they attempt to leave the room.
What Triggers Separation Anxiety Children
Separation anxiety disorder can happen when a child feels unsafe in some manner. Try to observe or take note of anything that may have thrown your child's world off-kilter, or made them feel threatened or may have interfered with their normal routine. When you are able to pinpoint a specific cause, you will be able to better help your child through their problems.
The following are the most common reasons separation anxiety disorder occurs in children:
An over-protective parent. In many situations of separation anxiety disorder, the parent's own anxiety may be feeding the child's anxieties.
Stress. Stress-filled events, such as the loss of a loved one, or a change in schools or the loss of a pet can trigger separation anxiety disorder.
Change in environment. Any changes in the environment – like moving into a new house, a new school or changing day care – can often lead to separation anxiety disorder.
Treatments for Separation Anxiety Disorder in Children
Patience and being well-informed can help you to help your child with separation issues. But children with separation anxiety disorder may require the help and guidance of a professional.
In order to come to a conclusion as to whether you need professional help or not is to look for some basic “red flags”, or extreme symptoms that may signal a separation anxiety disorder. Here's a look at some of the Red Flags for separation anxiety disorder in children:
Preoccupation with fear or guilt
Intense fear of leaving the house
Isolation from family, friends, or peers.
Excessive clinginess or tantruming behavior
Constant complaining of feeling ill or being sick
School refusal for weeks or months at a time
Treatments for Separation Anxiety Disorder Children
A mental health professional can diagnose and begin treatment for separation anxiety disorder children. They will want to meet with you and your child to gather information regarding home, school, and social interactions to form a specific diagnosis. Children with Separaion anxiety disorder will also often have medical complaints so they will have to be evaluated medically to rule out any medical conditions or illness.
There are a variety of treatment options that can tackle the issue of separation anxiety disorder children. They can be used individually or in combination with other treatments. Generally, treatments that encompass several different combinations of treatments together seem to have the most beneficial effect. These strategies may include –
Play therapy. The use of therapeutic play can help children to talk about their feelings.
Talk therapy. Talk therapy allows a secure place for children to express their feelings. It is often very helpful for a child to have someone to listen to them in a non-judgemental way and help guide your child to begin to understand the anxiety they are experiencing.
School-based Counseling. A school-based counselor can help your child manage the behavioral, social, and academic demands made upon them at school.
Family Counseling. Counseling with the family unit can help your child to understand how their thoughts are fueling their anxiety, while at the same time helping the parents to learn new coping skills.
Medication. The use of medication should be reserved only for the most severe and pervasive cases of separation anxiety disorder. Medication should also only be used along with other therapies.